23 November 2008


It's cute - this blogging bit- it's like creating a team and having your own cheerleaders out there.

So I'll be daring here and start - I had thoughts today to share with my kids, but it didn't happen. So maybe this is a good place to share them. I have five kids, from 28 y.o. to 17 y.o. Before kids, I was very afraid to be a mother, not wanting to be like my mother was, very critical. But as soon as the babies came, I loved it. Loved the early years, it came easily (not easy as in not hard work, but easy as it felt so right).

I'm married to a man quite the opposite me in many ways. I often feel I have no talents (in the traditional sense of the word) and he has many; I don't like authority, and he loves to boss. What started my thoughts was from this week's and last week's parsha - when the three guests come to Avraham's tent and ask where is Sarah and they are told she is in the back. I used to have great problems with that. Why was it a good thing to be in the back, why did she have to do all the work and he seems to get the credit? In this week's parsha, I read that after Sarah died, Avraham no longer had prophecy - that truly the prophecy was through Sarah.

I certainly don't claim to have prophecy - nor do I do all the work, my husband does quite a bit in the house. But I was feeling it was he who had relationships with my kids because of all his talents - he taught this one stained glass work and photography, he spoke with the other one for hours on art, he built a desk together with my son and made beer together, with each of the kids he brought them into the kitchen to cook with him. Then when rereading the parsha I felt differently - I was in the back, but I was important. I'm the support person, and perhaps do have strengths in ways I don't realize. Because of my dream to be in Israel, we're now in Israel. Which means alot in what the kids have been exposed to (and not exposed to) , which G-d willing means alot for hopefully future generations coming from my kids.

There's probably much more, but it's not the point - it's just the point it's alright now to be in the back of the tent, it too is meaningful. I don't have to be in the spotlight to count.


Leora said...

Nicely written, Klara.

I'm sure you are both important to your children. And hopefully, now that your children are grown, to each other.

Halo Lin Dar said...

Klara, I love that story about Sarah. Wow! The prophecy went through her. I have struggled as you have about feelings of importance and am I doing enough? Or even is what I am doing what is the best for all concerned. And what you have said about support rings true to me. Another thing I feel now, too, is that we are all important to each other - way beyond what we know and can see. We are sort of blinded and cannot see it because here in this world we see form and deeds and so much importance on those things in proportion. We cannot know the impact of the accumulation of kindness, caring and helping others - loving them. It is mostly unseen and invisible but worth - who knows? Maybe an infinite amount. I any case, we cannot judge what we cannot know.

Klara said...

sheesh, took almost a year and just now I saw your comment, Halo Lin Dar - and so much appreciate it.

I remember learning that women are about process and men about results - of course, like all generalities, this doesn't always hold. But I often feel this is a "man's world" and we are judged by results. It's harder to see process.